Hitsuyo
by Lovely Rugbee
Summary: After making a mistake in the heat of her anger, Ryoko is forced to accept the harsh reality of a disturbing situation. Shin Tenchi Muyo Based Tenchi in Tokyo. Ryoko POV.


Hi, My name is Jenn.. aka JROSAL. This is my first ever time posting a fanfiction, so hopefully you'll enjoy my work. X

A couple of warnings before we begin:

This is a Shin Tenchi Muyo(or Tenchi in Tokyo) based work. If that isn't to your liking, you might not like this.

There is some bad language toward the end. Not alot.. but I'm mentioning it all the same.

Suggestive Scenes... I'm never too descriptive when dealing with the sensual part of fiction. But if even a little bit of suggestive scenes disturbs you... maybe you shouldn't continue. :)

Couples.. Well... TR RH... ehh.. don't get scared. Just read it first, and judge after:)

I'm thankful for any of you that read and review my work. Critism is always welcome. :)

Disclaimer: Usual Applies. I don't own Tenchi Muyo. :) And I'll never claim to!

Hitsuyo – Need Me

by J. Rosal

_I hate you, Tenchi…_

Those three words are surprisingly easier for me to say now, but no more fulfilling. The words repeat in my mind like a mantra, like a storm in my head. My hands clench unconsciously at the sides of my body, and I close my eyes as if to keep the words from spilling out. I want them in my head. I want to believe them. I want to hate him so bad for what he did. I loved him unconditionally from the start, and found that I was rewarded with nothing but pain.

_Love._

Who would believe the universe's number one space pirate was capable of such a feeling? 2 years ago, I would've laughed at that very thought. After Tenchi came along things changed drastically. Would you believe that I was very willing to give up piracy for him? Give up the one thing that kept me together through all those years. Of course, now I think I had the right idea before Tenchi happened.

Tenchi... he was the one man that had complete and unarguable control over the heart that had once belonged to me. I have been betrayed and deceived in every way possible, and now I'm left with nothing. Nothing but the disgusting and disturbing images of things I never want to see again.

My stomach lurches as my mind drifts back to the scene that has burned itself into the back of my mind. The same image that haunts me day in and day out is all that I see. The image of two bodies pressed intimately together under a bath of moonlight, lips captured in a secured and sacred place. His arms are around that girl's shoulders… and he… he…

_I hate you, Tenchi. I hate you._

I feel the all too familiar sting behind my eyes and try to stifle a sob as it barely escapes my lips. I'm not crying for you, though, Tenchi. No… not at all. My tears are for reasons beyond those that concern you.

I want to escape this body. I want to detach myself from the physical and emotion boundaries that restrict my life and fly free among space as if none of it ever mattered. It hurts so much that I find that it's all I could do to force my entire being into numbness.

_I want to hurt you, Tenchi. _

I want to do something so bad that you'd realize what you've done to me. I want you to feel the same pain that I do and suffer the same way I am. I think I could have forgotten you if I stayed busy with jobs and raids. I really think I could have if Kiyone and Mihoshi hadn't come to me. It hasn't even been a day since we left them, and my heart still pains with the memories of the days of earth. And of those days of earth with you, Tenchi.

My body feels numb to all emotions because I'm tired of feeling. I'm tired of caring. So my mind slowly forces me into moments when I am rendered emotionally numb. All I can feel is that deep and empty void that slowly spawns greater as each minute passes. All I can hear is the sound of my heart pounding in my ears and the sound of my harsh intakes of breath as I walk down the hallways of the Gai'en. I reach the cockpit and briefly wonder why I'm there.

_Because I want to be needed._

I want something to fill that part of me that craves closure.

Hotsuma must have sensed my coming, because he doesn't even turn in the chair. The screen is glowing before him, and I realize that he must have been speaking to someone. I walk forward slowly, the heels of my shoes clicking against the hard floor.

"Ryoko," He asks, "Do you need something?"

Those four simple words impact me like a brick wall, and before I realize what I'm doing, I grab the back of the chair and spin it firmly so Hotsuma faces me. His hands are clutching the arms of the chair as the force of my turn startles him. His eyes reach mine, and for a second I see understanding.

…_I need…_

"Ryoko?" he asks again, this time the concern more evident in his voice.

…_I need…_

I feel like my mind has detached itself from my body and I watch myself as a bystander would. My hand reaches out and pushes Hotsuma firmly back in the chair. There's something clouded in my eyes. A primal desire for nothing else but to be needed. I climb atop the chair, straddling his hips with my own shapely legs, and look at him through heavy-lidded eyes. There is surprise on his face, but he doesn't move. I want this… I need this to fill that emptiness inside me.

"Hotsuma..." I breathe. My breath reaches his ear, and I watch the strands of blond hair dance from the heat of it. I don't finish my sentence because everything I want to say is in the tone of my voice. Hotsuma's eyes narrow, but there is still nothing but concern in them.

"Ryoko." This time it's not a question. He says my name as though I was a child caught stealing; a tone that shows warning. His eyes have their own battle raging behind them, and I briefly wonder what could be the cause of it. My arms push back on the chair on either side of his head, and I lean forward slightly until my forehead almost touches his.

"I… need this…" I murmur softly, the desperation creeping into my voice. I want to get rid of this emptiness… I want to rid myself of the numbness my body feels from being hurt. I look at him again with desire-filled eyes. "I need _this…_"

I don't have to say anything more, because at that moment Hotsuma crushed me to him. His lips meld with mine and I find me at loss for anything other than the knowledge of Hostuma and I in the middle of the cold cockpit. We are two kindred spirits suffering different pains but suffering all the same.

The rest passes by me as a blur, and I'm partially aware of my surroundings. I feel his lips and arms around me as we float through space. Were we even in the ship, anymore? I don't care at this point. I'm taking from him and he's taking from me. Both of us are stealing bits of each other as pirates do. Both of us are seeking consolation to our pains.

The darkness in my chest is still there, and I moan to him, wordlessly begging him for something that I cannot understand. His arms wrap around me, and we continue to spiral upwards to a place that I could never describe but wish to never leave.

_I should be here with you, Tenchi_…

As I cling to him in the height of our fervor I become vaguely aware of the tears falling from my eyes. My breaths come in deep gasps as we clutch each other, and I feel the emptiness return full-force as quickly as it left.

It isn't long before I'm left alone. I'm not sure when he left, but I'm thankful for it all the same. My heart pounds in my chest, and my mind becomes once again occupied with that of the simple-minded country boy on earth. I wonder if he'll be sorry now. Sorry and miserable when he realizes what I've done.

After all you fuck with her, right? We're even.

My stomach lurches again, and I bring my legs up to my exposed chest and occupy my eyes with the white and black clothing that litter the ground. My heart pains me again, and this time my mind doesn't punish me with thought of Tenchi and Sakuya.

"Ryoko…"

My body tenses as I hear the voice, and I look up.

Tenchi...

There he is.. smiling at me as thought nothing's changed, and he holds out his hand. I must be seeing things. All the things I always thought I'd say to him when we met again face to face flew out the window, and I quickly stumble from the chair.

The cold air caressed my body, but Tenchi didn't seem disturbed by the presence of my naked figure. "Tenchi," I whisper. My voice sounds alien to me, and before I realize it my tears begin to fall.

I take a step at a time, wandering toward him like a zombie. "Tenchi," I say again, begging for any response. I don't have to wait long, because he reaches out to grasp my hand.

"Where to next..?" His voice sounds heavenly to me. I'm about to respond when his hand suddenly comes in contact with mine, and his once solid figure disappears from my sight.

And I'm left alone in a dark and empty room again.

I feel my body start to shake and I shout in despair as I crumple to the ground. The darkness surrounds my body like a thick cloud, and I slam my fists into the hard floor. Wails and sobs wrack through my body as I curse Tenchi, Hotsuma, and the whole damned world around me.

I've lost control again. I'm a fucking space pirate, and here I am lying on a cold floor wearing nothing more that the skin I was born in bawling like a fucking kid. This is what happens when I lose control of myself. It's not something I'm used to after all.

_I love you so much that I hate you, Tenchi…_

"I love you Tenchi.." I whimper. I feel the sickness in my stomach as I realize exactly what I've done. The muscles in my chest clench painfully and I am rendered breathless as I lay pathetically on the ground, weeping like a child.

In the end, that's the only word that can describe this after all. Pathetic. Because it took me this long to realize that my pain was always spawned from the same things. Tenchi fucked me over, that's without a doubt. But I should have known that no matter what he did and what I did to try to forget him, I would never stop loving him. This was my curse, after all. Love and Hate.

Who would've known it'd all feel the same.

Owari

Thank you to all that took the time for my work. I hope it wasn't disappointing. :S Please Review, and let me know what you think. Thanks so much!

J. Rosal


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